Yes, we offer a lot of interesting information about international dating and the so-called “mail order bride” industry. It’s our business, but we also believe that it is often a great solution for men from the United States, the European Union, and other Western countries looking for mates.
And, just as importantly, a lifesaver for many women around the world who are not happy with the marriage options available to them in their country of origins.
BUT there are guys that we DO NOT encourage in pursuing a foreign bride. In fact, we are actively discouraging the following groups of men from pursuing international dating, because these guys often hurt themselves and the women who become involved with them.
The vast majority of visitors to ILS do not fall into any of the following categories, but you might take a look if you are unsure.
First, if you just broke up from your previous relationship in the last month or so give yourself a little more time to get your head on straight. You might want to do some free sign ups and checkout the photos and do a bit of research, but resist the urge to really jump in for a while.
You don’t want to make a bad decision, because you’re on the rebound, so wait a while. Give yourself time for a little self-reflection.
Second, if you think all women from your home country are “bitches” don’t pursue a foreign bride or any other woman for that matter! Yes, there are cultural differences that make foreign women attractive to a lot of men, but ultimately women are women.
If you can’t stand American women or British women or whatever – you will eventually have problems with women from any other country too.
Third, if you really think you are “buying” a mail order bride you need to re-think everything. You can’t simply buy a wife legally – not anywhere in the Western world. All of the web sites that we represent are dating websites. They help you connect with foreign women, but that is it. This is about romance – not slavery – and if you don’t understand that please do not use our website.
Fourth, if you are a congenital liar. Don’t screw up the life of another woman. That’s blunt, but it’s the truth and you know who you are. If you can’t be honest with a woman about your finances, lifestyle, and previous relationships you really need to stop and look at your life again. You probably have never been happy and you are only going to mess up some girl’s life. So, just don’t do it.
Fifth, if you are not financially stable don’t pursue a foreign bride. Of course, people will differ about what it takes to be financially stable. Some guys are not going to be happy unless they are making $300,000 a year and other guys feel stable on $30,000 a year.
A lot of that depends on where you live and what your lifestyle is like. However, if you don’t feel OK about your finances you don’t need to bring a foreign bride into your life.
Realistically in the United States today you probably need to be making at least $50k a year and not be carrying a crazy amount of debt. If you are making $30,000 but are debt free and have $20,000 in savings that is probably a great place to be too. But if you are making $500,000 a year and owe ten million and lose sleep every night over your debts you are not in the right place even if you drive a Range Rover and live in a three-million-dollar house.
The basic question is: “Are you comfortable and at ease with your financial situation?” Regardless of income or assets if you are not basically comfortable with your standard of living and so on you do not need to be bringing a woman into the picture. Certainly, not a foreign woman who – at least initially –
is going to be totally dependent on you.
Sixth, many Western nations have VISA restrictions for men. If you are an American man you need to read This Guide to Fiancée VISA’s, particularly if you have been convicted of a violent felony, divorced more than once, or filed bankruptcy in the last ten years.
Canada, Australia, and the UK also have some pretty tough restrictions too. And you need to check those out. (We are going to get more articles up on the various national restrictions soon.)
Make Yourself A Better Man
Obviously, no one is perfect and no one expects you to be perfect, but you should be honest with yourself and work to overcome the challenges in your life before you begin pursuing a foreign bride.
You can change it is not impossible. Often it is hard – very hard – but it is not impossible.
Today there are lots of resources and tools out there to help you today, but the first thing you need to do is to be honest with yourself and decide you need a little help. People do change and that is the first thing you have to believe.
Take a look at this guy in February of 2000:
Do you recognize him?
He was a marginal college football player. That photo is the body shot from the NFL Combine where he was a monumental flop. He had one of the worse combine’s in the history of the combine.
He ran a 5.28. There were offensive tackles a hundred pounds heavier than him who ran faster!
He might have been too slow to become a post man, because he was not going to be able to out run a dog with that burst!
But here is that same guy nearly two decades later:
Yes, the guy who was 199th player chosen in the 2000 NFL Draft was Tom Brady. And he made a choice right around the time of the combine that he was going to become the best man he could be. Sure, you will probably not ever exceed Brady in many regards, but you don’t have to.
Happiness is not football. You are not competing with anyone, but yourself. And you can improve. You can have a richer, fuller more successful life.
Brady just wrote a self-help book and apparently credits his success to constantly thinking about his life and trying to improve as a football player, but also as a father, husband, son, and human being. Think about this for a moment. No matter how successful you have been in life read the next paragraph carefully and think about your current situation.
If Tom Brady, who has won Five Super Bowls, is one of the highest paid athletes in the world, and is married to the most successful supermodel in the known universe, takes time to reexamine his life and try to improve each day it probably wouldn’t hurt for you to make the effort too. Are you really doing everything to be the best man you can be to your family, friends, and community?
Brady writes that, “Things happen sometimes that I don’t welcome or want, but I make the choice to remain positive,” he writes. Seeing yourself as the victim — of circumstance, a bad boss, an unforgiving job market or anything else — will put you in a defeatist frame of mind, and the mental energy you expend is simply unproductive.”
The Brady book is probably a great place to start, but if it doesn’t seem like the right book for you check out the International Love Scout Library. It has self-help books, dating books, but also some other books that might inspire you to be the man you can be. Really, there are a lot of good reads over there. Check it out.
Really, if you suspect you are not in the right place in life to be pursuing a mail order bride then DON’T! Take some time and get your life in order. Then in six months or a year or two you can always come back and get started – or not. Look, this is a commercial website and we love attracting new customers. We believe that for a lot of men international dating is amazing, but if you can find the path to happiness somewhere else AWESOME!
You need to do what is right for yourself, your friends, and your family. And if you are not ready to move forward in international dating hopefully this article and the links here will give you some ideas of how to get to where you need to be to pursue a beautiful lady or do whatever else you need to find fulfillment.
Good luck, my friend!
Editor-in chief – An over educated international traveler, he sets ILS’ light, positive tone. Chuck constantly pushes to ensure every article is supported by good sources, preferably from peer reviewed journals, government reports, or top-flight newspapers and magazines.